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Lilith

by Mary Of Egypt

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1.
BY PARU MANI (-adapted by Julia) Yes, it's been a year since writing poems Guess somehow the words got stuck so far down your throat you couldn't even taste them. Yet, somehow you knew that they were there, gasping under all that's thick: your food, your fear, your promises all too clear. Everything's changed, and nothing at all everything's feigned in your crystal ball everything's changed and nothing at all everything's maimed in my crystal ball (save the bottle for tomorrow) Hablare Contigo: you dream in the future tense. You're thinking in Spanish But where was your French? Let the words come out, to make them breathe (inhale) give some of the word your tar-charred lungs - your thighs have grown thick as trees (brown, brown) Now your leaves will fall to crunch and tear, (paint brush) only dirty brown for after all, you never had courage to turn gold for the fall. Your mouth's too dry for words Your eyes too try for tears Speak with the small world between your legs (the only sign you were alive) He wanted to keep you but just as a passing memory. A season, a country a language he knew you understood.
2.
Lilith 02:46
Why do the people talk so loud? Imposing on my wicked shroud? So gluttonous, hyena round - I'm staying in but peering out from the doorway of my house. San Vi Sansanvi Wildebeast objects to lying underneath. And Gilgemesh's progeny invades my dreams: something's dripping from my mouth - what's that sticking in my maw? Something warm and sticky! Her gates are gates of death and from the entrance of the house she sets out. And none who enter there will ever return home. And all who possess her descend to the pit. Am I a megalomaniac 'cause my hut's got claws and Alavici's father won't go lying on his back - no match for my dentata I could pluck out your eyes 'cause I'm carrying a scythe - though you're toiling the field at midday. And you sweat 'cause it's hot test your luck but one wrong answer and you're gone! So read my runic rage! For I am dancing until dawn! And suffer my embrace: A night hag who steals the children I visit in their sleep and make them think it's their own will and my heraldic hear is formed of mud and filth. I've sent my owls alight and they always heed my advice. For I was made from earth - and was I made first? Consult your Genesis and keep a lock upon your spouse! At the doorway of your house From the doorway of your house I am creeping like a mouse to the doorway of your house!
3.
Briscoe 03:13
Ask him what it was, he's so close. But I fear I turn to Briscoe. I can draw a line upon my canvas hovering the brush above a vision: we could make it 'oer the wall together. with steady hands, and a foothold in the how and where we came from: (with pockets full of stones and weedy undergrowth. He loved her; he must know with full authority!) Cliche as Philip Glass: I'll mar my own landscape. I'll make my own escape! (like film music, baby) Could it be a very pleasant journey if it wasn't known that I'm already there: living in the lighthouse oh my darling? Signaling the ships to stay away! Were you reared upon the rainy heather? (or rocky shores of home? by Oedipus on his throne?) I'll make my way alone but wait for balmy weather! Who is the woman around your little town? She doesn't want her photograph taken out loud. Very difficult and heavy tasking: putting on the mask of my time passing on. He was asked to speak at your convention 'cause they need a spokesperson -- OOPS --- spokesman! For her health: hysteria needs guidance! Strong arms: the only way to soothe a breakdown! They know better! They don't double their parallels or draw the water from their own wells! So she died like Ophelia: with only men her story to tell. Pity she wasn't young.
4.
Cassandra 04:36
Don't lift an eyebrow - he's a wicked act to follow. With bone and marrow: all I offer thee, Apollo! All I own! Why do I wear these mockeries upon my body? Sweet roses and this staff of prophesy. (out, down, down) (PEACE PEACE poor woman, put those bitter lips to sleep! What man is it who moves this beastly thing to be?) My moment was extraordinary! (did you possess it?) I was there motionless! I see! (you see fantasy!) King of the ships: (with their airs of vanity) what can he know of this? Apollo! King of light! Aye me, the pain! What shall I call her? What beast of loathing? Viper double fanged Scylla of the Rocks- the bane! How she stood aloud and howled! Forever unashamed! The lesser Ajax has pressed on my back my trust I had woven into flax. What does it matter now; if men believe it so? What is to come will come. (PEACE PEACE poor woman! May it somehow fail to come) In lieu of yielding I will choose these auguries. For what can woman make but treachery? This is the lioness who goes to bed with the wolf when her pride goes away either way. No motion forward; no prey where I start from.
5.
Penting 03:52
Where is the dawn? I'm outa cigarettes and it's still dark. So judge me: if you've ever had an enemy you'll understand, my dear. (it isn't safe to go outside!) Hold up your hand - curling the two smallest fingers before your eyes. But run first (run away!) run first - I am a deviant, a crawling silverfish a gnawing scavenger a trembling cretin! (yeah, is it enough? isn't enough?) All I want is just to be good! (meet the monster in daylight) Drink up, drink up! I cannot promise much more from the wells where this comes from. If you love me you'll let me be! (don't look at me!) I'm a daydreamer because my conscience is guilty. (have you had enough? Can I make it rough? If you're so f*cking tough, can I draw your blood?) I was weak! I kept myself so weak and small! I saw his face change - (DON'T LOOK AT ME!) cause he knew I was asking for it. And I made eyes we locked eyes my sunken eyes in my shrunken skull. I was small I looked so frail in my winter coat! (nobody called the police!) I didn't scream I didn't make a peep at all! That girl is easy. She made it so f*cking easy.
6.
Geror's Aria 02:50
It was me, it was me who carved upon the tree a celestial bid to stay. He's a theif, he's a theif - they let him get away through the woods at the break of day. So, hang your weary head low, looking at this headstone. In the hollow - this is what you made. I'll play what I hate. (no discourse no recourse. Only giving out) My master, he knows I'll take it lying down. Ancient treachery - threatens, then pretends that we get a say! Was it me who wove this bed of leaves? Like the leash that he leads is to ply his trade! Now the lease is up in a semblance of a tirade with the wallowing little waterways: will you play this game? Make your trophy lame? I'm willing. (he's won it)
7.
Pink Hearts 03:05
Waited for six hours to rid myself Then plus sixteenhundred more - resume what I abhor! (and they warned you. Don't say that they didn't warn you right before) Patience is a virtue, so they say. She looked deep into my eyes, told me "it's the right way". But he was on his phone! (ally, ally!) Isolate me on the throne, alright. I coulda kept you round. I won't lie that it didn't hurt - 'cause the hearts on the wall, they were full of words. And their faulty logic made me feel absurd. Standing at my kitchen sink explaining that you're just a symbol - no larger than a thimble! cellular! No philosophy for the Woman's World - though they took the terms for the Spirit and Phenomenon! Try to prove the pull - try to prove it! And the downward tongue. Down you went, but I could have kept you round. Anahita's mound. Never rash, but I harshly decide and in the night I hold the knife. Is it cliche if I give you a name? I took away? I wanted to walk out and they laugh and pout but I wanted to walk out. I could have kept you round, You were Kind, you mastadon. never hurts to admit you're wrong.
8.
Ophelia 01:57
On the cold black water Where the stars are standing Floats the greatest loathing: in the far off woods, the mort is sounding. 'Oer a thousand years no whiter phantom murmuring his ballad to the women of the newer rushes Beautiful as snow upon the river! Descending! From the highest mountains speaking of greater freedom. Twisted your hair. 'Twas the voice of mad sea's resounding roar! 'Twas a handsome madman! 'Twas a pale-eyed April morning mute at your knees. You melted to him.
9.
I turn the page and make a claim: I'm foaming at the mouth. I'll fill my head (and empty womb) with reading: all I'm needing. If I could make exchanges for the answers that I seek, to Mephistopheles I'd give my breeding. Uh oh, I'm bleeding out! So, Would you say I've a way to go before I know it all? My memories will recede before the kingdom comes. (at least they'll say "she was pretty") Minerva was a virgin so my hands shall be filled with rust. No time to tear your throat out 'tll I'm teething Uh-oh, You're bleeding. I banish you, sleep! (nobody likes a tattletale!) Stay away from me! (Leave me alone!) You cretin, with your shalalalalaminans! I will master the means! I will be master! I will meet you - but nobody wants a weathervane - your sickle rose, your sulpher prose. I will eat you. I will be master. If I am master, am I the tide, or am I the beach?
10.
Anahita 02:49
Don't purify the water. I provide grapes and peaches for mein Schatzie - Azizam - forget to mend my boots! Nothing in it but my hand. No erected temple. No shields are built for battle like his armor for love! Though I've been primed for fighting get tired of being tough! And I've had enough! In the turmoil raise my banner high exit through a golden channel. Though my daugher-peaks are lofty, none shall make it through. I confess, ten thousand men, and I think of you. you! you! Codify your cowardice in "terms" though you fill my fishing kit with worms. Worms! how I wriggle at the words. To think that I could love him.
11.
Avatar 02:20
They ask what I'm doing with my life in a CV form. So how to expose established norms in established forms? A socialist realism isn't quite what I'm going for, so I didn't resolve my leading tones in what came before! Wave your flashlight around - the world will not be astounded though it's astounding - you're compounding the problem! (or, elitism, or classism or sexism - at the very least, it takes a LOT OF MONEY) yes, I have been highly trained, I know I scrape by, and rely on my credentials. The general public couldn't care less about Beethoven's potential. F U F U institutions! Solely intellectual (male sexual) no urgency is useless! I have to give credit where the credit's due: this elitism just plainly sucks. 'Cause everyone that I know is so tired of being treated like an idiot. DUH! Music's from the heart! So what's the point of my ridiculous Avatar?
12.
Samael 04:33
if I believed in power play I wouldn't give my game away. Both doppelganger and a stray I'll wipe my face. (so patronize me. the scent is sweet) For what I want, I do not want and all I need is all I eat. I am the patron of the thieves; I'll guard your house from all of me. (nothing grows in my garden! All he wants is my garden!) The hill is steep......... I'll swing my arrows so tinged with fire and my desire throw on the pyre. Don't try my trust with trysts and tales: my golem, he is made of clay. I saw him by the light of day with talons that would tear my face. (lark hill) (no tripping down) So my twelve steps as sponsors say will lead me through this wicked place. Who needs your bullshit anyway? I'll paint my face- they love my face! (I will grow my own garden!) Seduce, destroyer, and pour your molten. My moat is open my door was open. No benefit, you derelict you Benedict or Bede or Styx I am a warrior of wits and wade to places safe to wish.
13.
Asmodeous 03:06
"ich habe keine Zeit" you say so why sehr süß and bowstringed? Draw back your hand and let me go away! Sehr Langsam, mein Schöne Freund! La Porte est Ferme. My crumbs are tertiary now.... here's a capital B. Tremble for me! My revengeful recipe is gambling! Sea poppy, staring at the ceiling. Your private thanksgiving! Cowards don't toil ceaselessly without their pay or learn to rely on oils that fill and break their lamps! If my rusty roof is made of clear transparent glass, then ich muste früh mich absondern. I'll cry because she says it's wasted, that is all. Legions of old Asmodeous they left my lonely desert long ago.
14.
Anabel Lee 02:43
A Dream In visions of the dark night I have dreamed of joy departed- But a waking dream of life [LOVE] and light Hath left me broken-hearted. Ah! what is not a dream by day To him whose eyes are cast On things around him with a ray Turned back upon the past? That holy dream- that holy dream, While all the world were chiding, Hath cheered me as a lovely beam A lonely spirit guiding. What though that light, thro' storm and night, So trembled from afar- What could there be more purely bright In Truth's day-star? Edgar Allan Poe

credits

released June 15, 2013

Isabel Hagen - viola
Julia - piano, vocals, synths, percussion, recorder, guitar
Brianna Leary - violin
Sam Reich - percussion, synths, sequencing
Amos Rosenstein - guitar
Cat Slowik - cello
Andrew Smiley - guitar
Meghan Todt - violin

Lyrics adapted or from:
Aeschylus
Parvati Mani
Lorine Niedecker
Arthur Rimbaud
Edgar Allen Poe
Leo Tolstoy
Virginia Woolf

All Music and lyrics by Julia EXCEPT:
(above lyric credits)
Sam Reich - percussion/synths Track 7
Amos Rosenstein - guitar Track 13
Andrew Smiley - guitar Track 14

Cover art by Kip Deeds

Recorded, Mixed, Produced by hand in NJ and NYC 2013

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Mary Of Egypt Flemington, New Jersey

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